Divisive Topics: How to handle volatile conversations with your teen

While many parents are excited to raise a generation of informed voters, adolescents may struggle with the amount of stress they accumulate through their devices and from observing the conflicts of the country’s leaders, teachers, providers, friends, and family members. Distress tolerance skills can support adolescents when they may experience triggers, such as hearing controversial statements around their demographics (or those of loved ones). Interpersonal and social skills can help adolescents develop appropriate, assertive, and authentic forms of communication and navigate difficult conversations. Finally, developing mindfulness skills in adolescence can support the regulation of these emotions and help the adolescent become more aware of how this affects their day-to-day (or doesn’t). Mindfulness improves empathy for others who are different, increases self-awareness of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and provides empowerment to individuals knowing what they can and can’t control.

How DBT Skills Can Help

Distress Tolerance skills are used to cope with intense emotions temporarily to avoid an escalating crisis. Adolescents may use distress tolerance skills when they learn of bad news, feel panicked, experience grief, or become angry. An example of a distress tolerance tool is “STOP,” which encourages an individual to pause, take a break, observe a situation, and proceed mindfully (Linehan, 2014). If an adolescent felt triggered in a conversation, listening to the news, or reading something on social media, this skill could be implemented to redirect their automatic reactions and remain in emotional control.

Interpersonal communication and social skills are essential for the development of all adolescents. When having conversations around the topics of race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexuality, socioeconomic status, and educational access, it is important to maintain composure, communicate effectively, and understand what you can learn from an interaction. At ilearn wellness group, we teach lessons on various skills, such as “DEARMAN,” a DBT Skill, fair fighting skills, and other groups where teens can identify what is “in play” in discussions. Adolescents are more likely to be effective, show respect, and learn from others if they can develop skills to have difficult conversations.

Mindfulness is the state of being present and aware of yourself and what is happening around you (Linehan, 2014). This set of skills incorporates the ability to observe nonjudgmentally and participate fully in experiences (Linehan, 2014). Mindfulness skills are also part of the curriculum at ilearn wellness group.

Conclusion

Being mindful of your vulnerabilities and triggers can prepare adolescents for uncomfortable situations and instill confidence. Furthermore, when adolescents practice mindfulness, they gain control of their thoughts and make informed choices. The daily implementation of mindfulness practice can improve an adolescent’s ability to remain attentive, calm, and empathic when being exposed to triggers. Practicing mindfulness increases awareness about how the adolescent’s identity plays a role in their everyday life and supports their relationships with others. For more information about how we implement mindfulness practices into our schedule, reach out to us to learn more.

Linehan, M. (2014). DBT Skills Training: Handouts and Worksheets. GUILFORD Press.