The Importance of Support Networks for Teens

Yet, something happens to us. We become afraid of other people, or self-conscious, or disconnected. Our mental health concerns, such as depression, or anxiety, begin to override our thoughts, feelings, and even behaviors, making it hard for us to connect with others. Maybe we feel like there’s just a fundamental lack of people around for us to connect to – people that are too different from us, or already occupied with the relationships in their own lives. In a world with so many people in it, it’s remarkable that we so often can end up in a situation where we encounter someone else, or ourself, not having a support system that they feel they can lean in on.

How to Build a Support System for your Adolescent

Sometimes building a support system for an adolescent just means pulling together what is already present, strengthening and repairing existing connections. Sometimes it means uncovering where connections exist, that the adolescent isn’t aware of. Other times it’s creating new connections, and strengthening social skills. At ilearn wellness group, we can provide support in teaching your adolescent the social skills, coping skills, and problem solving skills that help them make the most of their support networks. At the same time, it’s also very important to have a support system come together to be there for an adolescent going through a tough time.

Here are some practical ways you can help build, or rebuild, your child’s support system:

1. Explore opportunities for your adolescent to be connected outside of school, such as identifying a class, meetup, hobby group, extracurricular, or sport that they may be interested in, where they can meet others interested in the same things they are
2. Ask your adolescent what is important to them. Focus on the ways you can connect with your adolescent around an interest they are expressing. Meet them where they are at.
3. Encourage those in the adolescent’s support system to write letters to the adolescent. These are physical items that your adolescent can hold onto, re-read, and feel. This can be especially helpful for family members that are wanting to support or reconnect with an adolescent that may not be open to seeing them in person or virtually, or where in person or virtually isn’t possible. A sudden outpour of attention in person or online can be overwhelming for some families, but a stack of letters can be a visible representation of support without the attached pressure of engaging with someone who is showing up to support.
4. Build in space for connection. Eat dinner together at the table, introduce a board game night, go on a walk together with your adolescent, visit a beloved location or visit somewhere new, try a new recipe together, or spend some time going through old memories and photos. Create spaces for your adolescent to focus on and explore experiences of being connected to others.
5. Encourage participation in online groups, such as gaming with friends, or communicating in virtual communities related to interests or shared experiences. Safe connections on social media can alleviate loneliness and foster a sense of connection.

The Role of Social Media in Developing a Support System

 In our modern age, there are times a lot of our connection – as adults and adolescents – comes from virtually engaging, such as through video chat, text messaging, or participating in online communities. As parents, we may not fully understand the reward our child may get from an online interaction. There is also a lot of potential dangers and pitfalls of virtual connection – such as safety concerns, bullying, and the sharing of personal information. While it is important to discuss these concerns with your adolescent and to discuss ways to stay safe online, including having a healthy relationship with social media and the internet, we also should be mindful of not potentially cutting off avenues of support that our adolescent may be using. Instead, we should seek to supplement these supports with others, such as parents, teachers, providers, and family members.

What if my Teen is Resistant to Using their Support System

Adolescence is a complicated time for everyone. Biological changes, social pressures, and changing circumstances tend to quickly shift the ways in which an adolescent views themselves, their world, and the people in it. If your adolescent appears disengaged, hesitant, or even uncomfortable or upset with utilizing support in their life, understand that there can be many factors influencing this. It can be worth examining the ways in which the support system is interacting with the adolescent – sometimes there may be communication patterns that are unhelpful, at least for the time of the crisis. All relationships are two way streets. It’s important to work within the entire support system to create lasting change and connection as this is an important protective factor for adolescents experiencing mental health concerns. At ilearn wellness group, we can work with your teen and with the family to discuss ways to enhance a sense of safety and connection with those who make up a support system for your teen. The most important thing to know is that it is not uncommon for a teen to express complicated feelings around those that make up a support system. It’s important to work within these feelings, and not to minimize them to create true progress in setting an adolescent up for success with people in their life.

American Psychological Association. (2005, October). The mirror effect: How people see themselves. APA Monitor. https://www.apa.org/monitor/oct05/mirror